Dilemma

My Dilemma is should Philbert go home

or stay in the US. Ang hirap magdecide

kung uuwi ba sya o hindi. Kasi he left it

up to me. Sabi nya I tell him when I want

him to come home na. I want him to

come home.

I made a list of the PRO’s and CON’s .

Here are the PRO’s if he stays there

  • We could have a better future
  • We could afford to send our kids to a good school
  • There is a chance that we could go there to be with him

Here are the CONS if he stays there:

  • The kids could grow up without a father
  • There is a chance that It might take awhile before the kids can see him again
  • The family won’t be together for a long time.
  • It might take awhile for everything to be finished here

Here are the PRO’s if he goes home:

  • We can be together as a family
  • My kids will be so happy to see him and I will be too.

Here are the Cons naman if he goes home:

  • He will have to look for another job since he quit his job here
  • Everything will think that I’m stupid coz I asked him to go home.
  • We’ll be struggling again

Lucy Torres

I read about the Lucy Torres rumor

and to me that’s all that it is a rumor.

I don’t think it was ever really

confirmed. They say that they

have the tapes to prove it .

Sana nilabas na lang nila para matapos na.

I truly believe her. I truly believe

in her innocence. Feeling ko nga parang

ako lang yata naniniwala sa kanya.

But I do. Kasi kahit sino tanungin ko

they think she did it. They all hate her

they think that she’s perfect. I really don’t

understand that. Parang natutuwa

yung tao na puede din pala sya magkamali na

she’s just like the rest of us.

I’m sure that she is just like

the rest of us. Kaya nga lang

she’s married to Richard Gomez.

Im posting the Article of Lucy para naman

you can also read what she has to say

The shoplifting rumors

LOVE LUCY By Lucy Gomez

The Philippine STAR 01/30/2005

Over the weekend, I received an e-mail from Rizza,

my friend in Cebu. She forwarded me something she

received in her inbox, a story that was all about me.

It was entitled “Si Lucy naman” and I am sharing it

with you in full. Three separate e-mails were sent by

a Katherine, Lorraine and Raphael and they

forwarded it to no fewer than 33 e-mail addresses.

(By the way, I know their full names, e-mail

addresses and all the people they had forwarded

their messages to.) Please go through it first before

you go on reading the rest of my article.

Subject: Si Lucy na naman!

Narinig ko na itong story na ito shocking!

Now she shops daw with bodyguards following

her just to make sure na walang kukunin,

or kung meron man, binabalik na lang nila.

Nobody’s perfect talaga

Re: Fw: Tsismis naman tayo…

Si Lucy (asawa ni Richard),

nagsa-shopping sa Rustan’s. Tapos maya-maya,

nilapitan nung manager. Eto ang dialogue:

Manager: Ma’am, can we check your bag?

Lucy: No, this is my bag. It’s private property.

You don’t have the right to inspect it just

because you feel like it.

Manager: Actually, ma’am, since you’re on

our premises, we have every right to inspect it.

Bumigay na rin finally si Lucy.

At may nakitang perfume or wallet or watch

or something, di ko na maalala, dun sa bag niya.

Tapos tumawag yung manager kay Richard Gomez

at ibinalita na “Sir, we caught your wife shoplifting.”

At ang sagot ni Richard ay buntong-hininga, sabay,

“Shoplifting? Again?” So pinagbayad lang naman ang

mag-asawa, pero hindi na ginawan ng storya. At yan

daw ang dahilan kung bakit medyo mabait si

Richard Gomez sa ABS-CBN ngayon. Kasi ABS owns

Rustan’s or they have a relationship or something

(I really don’t pay attention all that well, hehe),

so kapag napikon ang ABS kay Richard Gomez

, pwede nila ilabas yung surveillance tape of Lucy

bagging the…umm, something. Ayos, we have

our very own Winona Ryder! =)

Client ko ang ABS-CBN and nakwento na rin

nila eto sa min. Take note, reliable ang source

ko kasi somebody from the top management

etong kausap namin. Klepto nga daw si Lucy.

Sayang ‘no?! She’s beautiful pa naman, wala

talagang perpektong tao.

I wrote about this very same rumor on June 6, 2004.

If you read that, you probably remember my writing

that I would always choose to count my blessings

rather than dwell on something as mean as that.

And I meant it sincerely. It may not have been easy

turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to a nasty story

but that was how I chose to fight the battle at that

time. Why dignify it with an answer? Why even

try to explain and convince people that

it simply did not happen?

Let it be said that I was hoping it would die a

natural death, as I was sure it would.

I was banking on how baseless it was anyway.

I had never been fond of fanfare and gimmickry

and the last thing I wanted to do was call attention

to myself.

I do not seek publicity and I definitely am not one

of those who believe that publicity, good or bad,

is still publicity. Perhaps the main reason

I did not acknowledge the rumor specifically

then was because I felt that by doing so, I would

only succeed in spreading it some more.

Kris Aquino, who was the first to inform me,

tried to persuade me to stare it in the face,

so to speak, not by writing about it reservedly

(as I admit I did) but by bravely acknowledgin

g it in addition to exploring my legal options.

The one thing she told me that continuously

reverberates in my mind until now is that

“An urban myth, when perpetuated,

will soon become a legend.”

And Kris was right all along. Not only was the

rumor perpetuated, it even became more

maliciously embellished along the way to

make it appear even more true.

I never realized people could be so mean.

Given the circumstances now, there is no reason

why I should be coy about it. It has spread far and

wide and by coming out to talk about it openly

I am, in a way, also acknowledging the severity of

the issue and coming to terms with what it actually

is: Pure character assassination. The only difference

then and now is that what was initially talked about

in whispers and hidden behind guessing games and

blind items is now declared. And all fingers are quick

to point at me.

There seems to be a concerted effort to hurt and

crush me, for what reason I really don’t know.

Perhaps I may never find out. All I know is that

although it is hurtful, offensive, and frustrating

all at the same time, this is not the kind of thing

that will kill my spirit.

Over the past few months, the same rumor that

started as a blind item in The Manila Standard

has grown incredibly by leaps and bounds and

the original story bloomed and grew to include

specifics. Whereas it started with me supposedly

shoplifting a Bulgari watch at Rustan’s, it also went

on to include shoplifting sprees at Tiffany

(still at Rustan’s). And if you go back to the e-mail

on this page, I apparently was also found

with a wallet and perfume. Dead on,

caught in the act. Why a wallet and perfume?

Are those not affordable?

The story goes on. Apparently, talk has it that

I shoplift not because I want to but because I need to.

The story, whatever the version, ultimately concludes

that I am a kleptomaniac, that my husband has

checked me into rehab for this behavioral disorder,

and that there was a conscious attempt on our

part to whitewash the whole incident.

If stories are to be believed, Richard

even paid off Rustan’s a handsome sum just so they

will keep the whole thing away from the prying eyes

of media and cover up the real story.

All this talk started to travel through the grapevine

in January 2004. It has been a year since.

Sadly for me, it has not died down.

My friend Mons was in a gathering and this

shoplifting story came up. Mons came to my defense

by saying that there was no truth to it, that she even

got to talk to the manager of Rustan’s –

even the owners themselves – all of whom denied

the supposed incident. She finally decided to rest her

case when she realized that although the people she w

as with acknowledged that it most probably was not

true, they still would rather believe that it was.

How else could you make heads or tails about some

of the things said in that gathering? ”

It’s probably not true, but hayaan mo na.

At least it is nice knowing that Lucy is not perfect,

and that God is fair, after all.” Another one added, ”

Of course, she will deny she is a klepto. I

t is a disease and Lucy herself is not aware that

she is afflicted with it.

” Another friend of mine was at the parlor

where two well-dressed matrons were passing

off the story as Bible truth to whoever cared

enough to hear. “It is such a comfort knowing that

Lucy actually has a defect. Poor thing. But at least

no one is perfect pala talaga.

” Mayor JV Ejercito was at a gathering

and an ABS-CBN newscaster reportedly told JV:

“Mayor, alam mo ba that Lucy is a klepto?”

Many different people have also told me that a

relative of the owners of Rustan’s has been

confirming to people that the incident really

did happen. It makes people believe because

she is, after all, married to a Tantoco.

And Rustan’s is owned by the Tantocos.

A good friend of hers though came to her defense

and said that in fairness, whenever she is asked

she just chooses to neither deny nor confirm anything.

And that probably they just take her silence as a

confirmation and assume that it really is true.

Otherwise daw, how difficult can it be to say it isn’t so?

My friend who gets treatments at Marie France,

Makati, took me out to lunch before the holidays,

oblivious that I already heard that rumor as far

back as January of last year. It wasn’t until we

were almost about to start dessert that she really

took on a serious, somber tone. She finally said

that she was gathering enough guts to tell me that

her Marie France attendants were discussing

what a sad thing it was for someone like me to

turn out to be a klepto. My friend said that it wasn’t

true but the two therapists insisted that it really

was because earlier, they had serviced

two Rustan’s executives who told them

that they would actually be nervous whenever

I walk through the doors of Rustan’s because

they knew I would again be shoplifting.

Oh yes, and that these executives had

everything on tape, too.

Speaking of surveillance tapes, Karen Davila

supposedly has it in her possession and that

the station she belongs to is just waiting for

the right time to air it. Although I already

know what Karen has to say about it

(Richard was able to speak to her and

told her that if they really had a tape

to please go ahead and show it ASAP.

Perhaps doing so would really clear

the air and solve the mystery,

if you can call it that.) I am not in the

position to share with you what they

talked about. It’s best that it comes

straight from Karen’s mouth.

Suffice it to say that Karen

has denied commenting on it

on her radio program , denied too that

she was given the Rustan’s surveillance tape.

Ek Channel, a showbiz-oriented talk show that airs

every Saturday afternoon on ABS-CBN, featured

re-enacted segments for two consecutive Saturdays

detailing the crime I supposedly committed.

Although these were blind items on both occasions,

the clues they gave out apparently sounded enough

like me to make people I knew who happened to be

watching call and say that I was being maliciously

referred to. After the airing, a source from the station

told me that although they admittedly really had no

proof, the people behind the show still chose to air

the segments because it made for good copy.

In contrast, The Buzz (still an ABS-CBN show)

never touched on the topic. Kris, bless her,

was decent enough to fight for a factual approach

over and above a malicious gossipy one that was

purely based on hearsay. She told the people on her

show, most of whom insisted that there

really was a Rustan’s surveillance tape catching me

red-handed, that although she knew for a fact that

there was no truth to it she will go ahead and run the

story if and only if the show’s staff could produce the

tape to support their claim.

No one could produce a tape. No story was run.

And I have Kris to thank for that. What is even

more touching is that she did that on her own,

and I just found out about it by chance much,

much later.

Other friends of mine who were vacationing in the

States got wind of the rumor while they were there.

At a gathering, a gay employee from Rustan’s

was announcing to one and all that I was caught

shoplifting, and that all the employees from the

department store were called to a meeting and

informed of the incident. Then he delightedly

laughed and said “Ang saya, saya, hindi pala

talaga siya perfect. She really cannot have it all!

God is good!”

I lead a very normal life, I hardly ever go out,

and that is probably not dramatic enough for others.

That is probably why they have to spice it up by

concocting incredible incidents. I feel no need to

enumerate the reasons why the shoplifter they

created in their minds could not be me.

I don’t have to explain myself. My conscience

is clear and I know that all this will pass,

eventually. Maybe not anytime now,

not anytime soon. But it will – that much I believe.

If at all, what I really find hurtful about all

this is that there actually are people who

would happily embrace an untruth just to

make them feel better about their own lives.

Must you fault me for having what you think

is a perfect life? I never passed myself off as

perfect, neither did I ever rub on anyone’s face

that I lead a perfect life. Not that it should matter,

really, but I do not have a perfect life.

I do, however , have a very happy one,

but it is not without its share

of heartaches. Is that fair enough for you?

Happiness, more than being a choice,

is a blessing I enjoy. Must I be punished

and hated for that?

All that said, I dare those who claim to have

the Rustan’s surveillance tape to send it to

media. Make hundreds of copies, if you want,

and send them all out. If, for some reason,

you conveniently ” lost” the tape,

present your witnesses – all those people you

know who strongly allege that they know for

a fact that I did it, or that they were actually

there when I did it.

Don’t just say “basta, a reliable source told me…”

Name your reliable source. Field them to the

tri-media. I’m sure the showbiz talk shows

will be more than happy to interview them

live on their show. And please do it soon.

Maybe then we will really get to the bottom

of this and find out the truth.

Play this game fairly. You accuse me –

now support your claim with facts,

not just with hearsay. Most of you probably

just heard about it from a friend

who in turn also just heard it from

a friend’s friend but by perpetuating

the rumor, you, too, share in the lie.

The world is round, what goes around

does come around and I have seen that

happen enough times to appreciate it as

a fact of life. Meanwhile, I anchor my

strength, as always, on a God greater

than even the nastiest rumor

that could ever be said about me.

There lies my peace of mind. And at the

end of each day,I sleep well knowing

that I have wronged no one,

stepped on no one. I really hope

you can say the same for yourself.

Life may not be fair, but God is.

ME: A Student???

I went out with my parents yesterday for breakfast.

While eating my mom has suddenly brought

up the idea that I should go back to school to

become a Special Education teacher. Parang

nasamid nga ako nung sinabi nya kasi I never

really thought of myself as a teacher.

Kasi parang di ako creative daanin ko na

lang sa tyaga. Saka reklamo ako reklamo about

how expensive it is to send my child to a

Special School. Baka this can be a challenge to

find out kung kaya ko ba and how far.

Malay nyo ako na lang magtuturo sa kanya.

So para di na talaga sya plano na lang,

I decided to do something about it so

nag inquire na ako. I wanted to try UP

kaya lang grades daw tinitignan.

So di na lang dun.. May isa akong school

napagtanungan well I hope this goes well

Kasi pag pumalpak lagot ako kasi ako

magbabayad tuition ko.

I also enrolled myself in a non degree course sa

UP Open University para masabi ko sa sarili

at sa mga anak ko na at one time nag aral din ako sa

University of the Philippines

The title of the course is

CARING FOR THE SPECIAL CHILD.

Sana matuloy na itong mga plano ko..

Kung matutuloy ito God will provide

the provisions and the way for me to do so.

Kung hindi naman maybe di pa ngayon ang time.

Prayer for Propsperity

Someone sent me this email.. Iniisip ko baka lang makatulong sya..

Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God

I pray to you that you abundantly bless my family

and me. I know that you recognize, that a family

is more than just a mother, father, sister, brother,

husband and wife, but all who believe and trust in you.

Father, I send up a prayer request for financial

blessing I know that that the power of joined prayer

by those who believe and trust in you is more

powerful than anything. I thank you in advance

for your blessings.

Father God,deliver us from debt and debt burdens.

Release your Godly wisdom that I may be a good

steward over all that You have given me

Father, for I know how wonderful and mighty

you are and how if we just obey you and walk in

your word and have the faith of a mustard seed

that you will pour out blessings.

I thank you now Lord for the recent blessings

I have received and for the blessings yet to come

because I know you are not done with me yet.

In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

Sumbong ng Isang Mommy

Maraming adventures si Joshwa lately

like naka-akyat sa bubong namin.

Nalingat ang bagong yaya at nakalabas

ng bubong buti na lang di nahulog. ..

We had to let the yaya go nung nag paalam

sya coz that was the second

accident nung sya ang nagbabantay.

The 1st one naiwan nya bukas ang

door nakalabas si Joshwa muntik na masagasaan

buti na lang nahawakan sya.

Joshwa will be going to school in June

sa Odea International School (pangalan lan yan

di talaga sya presyong International School)

Mas mahal pa ata ng 10k kung sakaling gawin

kong whole day ang ABA( applied behavioral

analysis behavior modification program)

kaya dun na lang kami uli 3x a week na ABA

plus school and OT & Speech pagdating ng June.

I have been feeling so guilty that I could

only afford to pay for the

OT and Speech and nothing else.

Sa sobrang di na kami makabayad

binitawan na kami ng ABA nya.

I understand and hold no grudge

against the center kasi negosyo yan eh.

Very lucrative ang business ng special kids.

( di ako sarcastic totoo ito)

Things have been hard for us lately as

far as finances are concerned.

Umalis ang husband ko papuntang

US para mag work. So hopefully by

June makaka enroll na si Joshwa.

Please help me pray for my husband

na maging okay sya US. Kasi in all honesty di

namin ma-afford ang services ng therapy centers

and help for my son kung walang money.

The foundation that I want Joshwa to get into is

BMAC ( Behavioral Management

for Autistic Children).Pero suerte lang ang

nakakapasok. 1 1/2 years na kaming waitlisted

tapos nag pa assess na si Joshwa sa kanila nung

November. Ang feedback na narinig ko ay parang

gusto nung Directress na i-pasok sa program

si Joshwa dun sa 15k a month (which is the lowest

the highest is at 60k a month) Kaya ko yan kung

sa kalsada kami nakatira at di kami kakain.

In all honesty di ko talaga kaya sya bayaran.

Kung kaya lang namin why would

we go through all that trouble of completing the

requirements at the expense of my son and the

help that he could get?

Im just a frustrated mom. I want all of what’s

best for my son. It’s hard to have a special child.

Ang hirap sa kalooban ng isang nanay na nakikita

mo nahihirapan ang anak mo tapos wala kang

magawa. Lalo na pag may masakit sa kanya kasi

di na nya masabi kung saan talaga masakit.

Happy Birthday Joshwa!

Happy Birthday to my dearest baby Joshwa. It’s been 4 years since you were born.. I keep thinking were has the time gone my baby is such a big boy? . We celebrated your birthday in a different way. I initially wanted to have a party but we had to attend a family reunion on January 15. Your Inay suggested that why not celebrate your birthday at their home in Jala-jala Rizal. It was fun a lot of people came to greet you a Happy Birthday. Your Inay prepared a sumptous lunch, Tita Beth & Tito JR bought cake and ice cream.

Only one person was missing your daddy. . I miss your dad so much.. I’m sure he would have wanted to be here to watch you blow out your candle. Daddy misses us so much and he stayed in the United States because he wanted to give you a good future. He wants to send you to a good school that will help you but we couldn’t afford to send you there if Daddy was here. He loves us so much that he was willing to make that sacrifice.

I don’t want you to forget that you have a Daddy who loves you and always thinks about you. My only wish is that we would be with Daddy..I don’t know when or how.. Whether we will go there or daddy will come home. I know in my heart that day will come.

I love you so much Joshwa.. Happy Birthday!!

I know that this is a dramatic and sentimental and mushy entry.. Im just depressed because I miss my husband so much.

We both decided it would be best if he stayed behind in the US to test the waters. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to the idea that he’s not here anymore. I miss him so much. I feel this void in my heart and this lump in my throat. I feel like such a crazy person always crying. I couldn’t even stand to look at our photos or his clothes. I know I’ll start crying again. Some might say well he’s not dead yet.. Well that’s true also basta I just miss him so much..

This was the hardest thing that I’ve had to do. It took every ounce of self control not to tell him that I don’t think I can do it. I know that If I do tell him that I can’t do it. He would definitely go home with me. I love him so much that I want to try to let him go despite the pain that I’m feeling right now.I know they all tell me that I’ll get used to it. How do I get used to the fact that he isn’t there? This pain that I feel won’t go away.

I’m really trying my best to be strong and keep things together. It’s tough.. really rough.. I know people are so happy that he has decided to try his luck there in the US.. I’m happy that’s he finally decided to try.. But I felt sad because I miss my best friend, my husband, my lover and my worst critic all rolled into one. He is the one person in this whole world who can truly say that he knows me.. .

Before I left I had to make a very difficult decision either to stay with him or go home to be with the kids. I chose to stay with my children.

To those wives out there who are physically separated from their husbands. How do you cope with the loneliness? Does it really get better in time?