Should I write about Joshwa’s teacher who really helped him a lot. Should I write about my teachers in the past who I think shaped me into what I am now. Then I remembered that Ate’s Angel Date is coming up. I learned about the term in Noemi’s blog and I really liked it. I hope she doesn’t mind If I borrowed it.
I’ve been feeling really guilty that I’m still stuck in my grieving process. I’m supposed to be moving on but I can’t. How can I? I’m really lost. Who am I to grieve this way? She’s not related to me but I’m still affected by her passing. I thought I could move past it by now. I gave the scrapbook that I made to her mom, I removed her from my phone, email and friendster. I still feel it. I still feel the pain, the emptiness,the loneliness, the loss.
Ate Beth was more than just my sister in law to me. I loved her more than a sister. I’d like to think that I didn’t have an older sister because she was the best older sister any one could ever have. She is my sister, my best friend, my cheerleader and a warrior all rolled into one.
When we first met we hit of right away. We had so many things in common. She was a great listener and I was the biggest talker anyone would ever meet which made us a perfect combination.
When she left for Japan I cried my eyes out and I really felt so bad because I knew just how much I would miss her. I keep telling myself she’s not dead she’s just in another country. She had a handsome little boy who really looks so much like Philbert. She always called him her gorgeous son. She gave up her teaching career to stay at home to raise him and really mold him into the best he could be.
Though we didn’t really keep in touch while she was in Japan. When I initially moved to the US I didn’t call her because I know I did something wrong which caused the gap between us. I was scared that she would tell me that I was an idiot and I was. When she saw me she hugged and I wanted to cry I wanted to say sorry but whatever it is that I did we never discussed it again. I didn’t know if she was still mad at me but If she was she didn’t show it and I didn’t want to open new wounds. In our own mutual way we started over. It was as if we never lost touch. I would call her everyday and we would visit their home every other weekend
Whenever I had trouble dealing with any turbulence in my life especially when it comes to my married life. I could always count on her to be there for me to listen to me. I will miss the way she could always put things into perspective for me. If there was something really disturbing me, she would say, maybe he meant it in a different way or maybe you misunderstood what he wanted to say. That is the one thing that I have learned from her to always look at something from another perspective.
She was as calm as the deepest ocean and kindness was her second nature. She worshipped the Lord with her heart and soul ,honesty, honor, loyalty and integrity and served with fervent joy.People talk about these values. But she lived them. She embraced them. Though she never got any awards and accolades in her lifetime. She got the best award that anyone could ever hope for. People loved she was highly respected her and they were really happy to have had the pleasure of having met and known someone like her.
She will forever be part of my heart and soul, I know she was prepared for this . I wasn’t and they are times when I want to question God and ask him why her? Why all of them all at the same time. But I can’t because I know that God has a purpose. I may not understand it but I have to learn how to accept what I can’t change.
I thank you Ate Beth that I became part of your life’s journey.I will always be proud of you and will forever be honored to be not not just your sister in law but your sister. I always treasure the lessons I learned from her. I’m sorry for everything and anything. Know that you will always be in my heart and that I will pass on to my children the lessons that I have learned from you.